Sweaty Change

We’re getting a dog. I’ve been holding us back on such a thing because I wanted to be more settled and at least want to live in the city I’m in beforehand. It felt like a ginormous commitment, like a furry child to care for.

But now, I find myself relenting, not because I want to stay here, but because I have a tendency to hang too much importance on the small stuff. It’s so easy to get caught up and distracted by things that really don’t matter–or shouldn’t. We can “uproot” a dog very easily. It is nothing close to having a real, human child to rear.

I worried (and still do) about finding a place to live that will allow us to have a dog without a huge expense. But really, it doesn’t matter. What will be will be. If we are meant to get out of here (Please, God, say we are!), there will be a place for us that will fit our needs.

I’ve been practically begging God for a change. There are so many things I’d like to change for the better. But I have such a good life. I’m blessed beyond my comprehension. I don’t think I even realize how blessed I am. Changes are happening, but not the ones I anticipated. I wanted my external circumstances to change, but now I see that I am the one that needs to change. And I am. I’m getting a dog after all these years of stubborn antagonism towards the idea.

I’m finding myself yielding in many ways, even in the small ways. I’m trying to break myself out of a rut and challenge myself to welcome all changes, not just the ones I long for.

Yesterday, I bought Baileys Irish Cream liquor instead of the off-brand. Why? Because it’s been years since I’ve had Bailey’s and it’s about time I have the good stuff and quit settling for second best. Small as that is, it’s a good metaphor for how I should be acting right now. Why settle? Why not shoot for the good stuff, especially when I have the means to get it?

I’ve been consumed by the idea of escaping this place, this job, this situation. But like I said earlier, I am so blessed. Even if (God forbid) I don’t leave here, I would be well off compared to many. My needs are met. My problems are “first-world” problems, as my husband would say. They do not compare to those of the third-world countries.

I agree with that to an extent, but I think we can be pushed into complacency by always comparing ourselves to others, even those less fortunate. I think we should look at people who are struggling and be more grateful for what we have, but that doesn’t mean we should feel guilty for wanting more. And for me, that’s a huge struggle. It’s a balance, as all things in life are.

You can’t stop the world from changing. I’ve got to quit waiting for something to give. No more sweaty change. It’s time to quit pushing change away because I think it’s not the right kind or that timing is off. What do I know about the plan for my life? No one knows until they get there. So I stand where I am and bravely face the fierce winds ahead.


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