Clarity and Chance

Photo credit: garrettc / Foter / CC BY-NC

Clarity. Sometimes when you really want something bad enough you have to be willing to take a chance to get it. And sometimes that chance seems illogical. I’ve been wanting to switch jobs and cities for longer than I’d like to admit. And recently, I’ve had the opportunity to interview for a new position in the city I’d like to live in. There were several catches to it, though. Schedule, longer commute on certain days, etc. But despite that, I was ready to dive in.

There were a lot of good reasons to accept a job offer there. I felt like I would get along with my boss and I liked the culture at this company. Signs pointed to yes. The office manager even told me I was the top candidate. It seemed like I had the position, albeit unofficially.

But the call-back after the interview made me nervous. Now there was a second candidate they were considering. It was very confusing. I just knew that the call-back would be a job offer, not another stage in the process. All of this has been an emotional roller coaster. So much so that my stomach bothered me.

I began to doubt. And on top of these doubts, there were circumstances at work where I would leave my coworkers stranded and without help for a significant amount of time by leaving now. Guilt weighed on me.

Everyone told me that I had to do what was best for me. And most of the people I confided in seemed to think that leaving was what was best for me. And for a while, so did I.

I have had a lot of crummy jobs. I’ve been bruised and beaten (metaphorically) by previous employers. I was giving too much of myself to them and in reality, they didn’t care about me. Since then, I’ve grown stronger and more assertive. And up until now, I’ve always taken any job offered to me.

I worried about this job not being the right job in the right time. In the end, I turned down the position. It was bittersweet. My stomach is no longer bothering me, but I can’t deny the disappointment. I’m still hoping for something to change. And I’m doing my best to bring the change out. Perhaps by listening to my instincts, I will find the best fit in the best time.

I don’t truly know if that job was the right job. But I know the timing was off and I feel like it was best to walk away.

It took a lot of careful consideration. For the past few years, I’ve felt that my life has been on hold. I need a new start in a new place. My husband and I want to buy a house, but we don’t want to stay in the city we live in. So buying a house must wait. Career-wise, I’m not making the best money. In fact I’m underpaid for what I do. Thus, other financial goals (and even the thought of kids) must wait. The list goes on and on.

The chance to move on to something new was very tempting. But last time I was overly hasty without considering the consequences of my choice, I ended up trapped in a job that stole my health, sanity, and eventually topped my list of the worst job I’ve ever had. It was awful and I hope I never have to go through anything like that again. Something in my gut told me to run very early on in that job. I could have backed out. But I didn’t listen to my gut. And I paid dearly for it.

For now, I’ll still keep on fighting for change. I think the best change comes with clarity and taking a chance. I’ve taken a chance in walking away from this opportunity, but that leaves me open for something that could be better or better timed. We shall see.

The best decision isn’t always the easiest decision.

Photo credit: garrettc / Foter / CC BY-NC