It’s hard to see the sun when you’re in a the middle of a storm. For so long, I was ready for change. I begged for it and dreamed about it. Now that I’m in the middle of it, I realize how difficult change can be. Not for my mindset, because I’m open and (hopefully) really ready for it. It’s just: Change uproots what you know and replaces it with the unknown.
We’ve moved. It’s official. All of our stuff is in the new house waiting to be unpacked. Our old place is empty now. There’s no turning back. I’ve been working at my new job for a month and a half now. And it’s been hard. So much harder than I ever expected it could or would be.
The truth is, I’m stressed out and unhappy. But I have to believe this will change after I adjust to the new routine. The job wasn’t what I expected. I feel misled by the description I was given. I feel duped. I uprooted my family’s livelihood for this?!?!
Then I remember the cute farmhouse we’re renting and how it really does feel like my own. I already have pride in it, even though it’s just a rental. And I like it so much better than our last rental. Also, there are adventures to be had in the new city. I’m so excited to get to know some new people and to explore a place with so much opportunity.
It’s just….the career. This is the awful pattern in my life. And I’m really tired of the vicious cycle. To top it off, my husband is still job-searching and the bills are still coming in. And we have to replace the engine in his truck (a repair costing around $5,000). With Christmas days away, it compounds the stress. When I hear Christmas songs on the radio, Scrooge rises up in me and declares, “Bah Humbug!”
I’m trying to make the most of it. This too shall pass. And I do see a break in the clouds. I do feel like there’s hope. I’m not sure why or how, but we will get through this. And in less than a month, we get a fresh start with a brand new year. We can hope to see more positive months ahead. Time will tell.
Until then, I’ll keep staring up at the clouds, trying to see past the gloom to the shining sun behind them. Perhaps this calls for a fresh cup of tea.