Muddy Eyes

Photo credit: Viewminder / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Photo credit: Viewminder / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

As a kid, part of me dreaded the arrival of fall. What kid didn’t after a sunny summer of swimming pools and freedom from classes? Fall represented a time of being stuck indoors in a classroom. But at the same time, I didn’t really hate it. Call me crazy, but I was also eager to see my classmates again. Not that I would’ve admitted that out loud.

Fall is the end of summer. Leaves are falling, creatures are preparing to hibernate, and plants are going dormant. In one sense, it can seem like the end of life. But the end of one thing is always the beginning of another.

I’m happy to leave the heat of summer behind and put on a light jacket. This year has been a bit challenging–okay, tumultuous–at times. It wasn’t awful, but the hope that I had in January was quickly diminished. So yet again, for me, this fall is the beginning of a new beginning. We’re coming up on November, the national month to be grateful. But I’m not going to wait until then to acknowledge my blessings.

This year, I’ve felt very stuck emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. In every way, I have felt like I’m standing in a mud pit and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get out. And when I panic and fling my limbs around in protest, I’m only getting mud in my eyes.

And that only gives me bad visibility on the reality of my situation. Usually, things are not as bad as they seem. But how can you tell with dirt covering your eyes?

But even with that, I’m starting to see that I have an out. It may not come at this exact moment, but I feel like help is on the way. I’m not going to sink any deeper into this pit. I will break free, even if I have to be humbled enough to accept help in doing so.

And the bitterness of this year will be a reminder to me during the better times. I will realize how truly blessed I am. And I will know how good I have it and be grateful.

That’s a gift worth suffering for.