Let Go

When I look back on my life, I begin to see what was probably obvious to everyone else: I’ve been a control freak. In college, I tried so hard to find new friends that I effectively scared them away from me. Instead of letting things happen organically, I tried to force it.

As more of a tomboy, I sought out the friendship of boys. And as anyone could guess, that often led to trouble during my college years. I found myself on accidental dates. Or worse: the time I asked an acquaintance out for coffee.

I really wanted a friend and he was someone I admired. I knew he had no romantic interest in me. I just wanted to talk and maybe become friends. He didn’t reply to the message I sent. That’s the last time I remember interacting with him.

There were so many times I did this to myself. I worried and clutched tight when I really needed to let go. Letting go is one of those things that sounds so simple yet always leads to a struggle. It could be key to happiness for so many people, myself included.

If I could just let go of my grip, some of the bad things would blow away. And that would leave my hands open to receive the good things life has to offer. This is the great lesson at this time in my life.

I switched to a new job. It’s not perfect for me, but I really can’t complain. The atmosphere is tenfold better, which was enough for me to accept a pay cut. Except I actually ended up with a raise instead.

Everything seems to be lining up, except one tiny detail: it’s temporary. It could end if funding doesn’t allow them to renew my contract. And as a recovering control freak, that is downright terrifying. (Perhaps this is when I am forced to recover? Can a control freak be forced to do anything she doesn’t want to?)

Maybe life’s trying to help me with this self-improvement project. This job could be exactly what I need in ways I could never have guessed. Worrying isn’t going to help my situation. So I’m trying to just sit back and enjoy the ride, wherever it may lead.

It’s time to let go of the worry, anxiety, and anger. It’s time to start fresh with open, empty palms. That way, when opportunity sweeps in, I’ll be ready to catch it.

Cheers to letting go.

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Photo credit: another.point.in.time via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Third Charm

This year has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I’ve been searching for a job in a new city.

My current job isn’t awful. The benefits are amazing and the crew I work with is an incredible group of people. However, I feel that I’ve outgrown my job duties and I’m no longer learning and improving.

It’s hard to leave the comfort and security of what I have, but I need to find something else to continue my personal growth.

This stage in my life is coming to a close and it’s time to find a new path.

So I’ve sent out the resumes and dressed up for the interviews. I even had one solid offer and another unofficial offer that was becoming serious. Both times, I walked back out the door after realizing it wasn’t the right fit. And that’s a painful thing to do.

It’s not easy to walk away from an opportunity even when it’s the wrong opportunity. But I’ve accepted wrong jobs in the past and paid for them dearly. I’m not going to make that mistake again. At least not willingly. Employers want their employees to stick around and I want to enjoy the job enough to do just that.

I’m ready to move forward. I’m finding that I want different things from life than I wanted five years ago. Or even two years ago. Somehow, everything has changed and nothing has changed.

I’m searching for opportunity, but I’m also morphing and becoming more solid in myself. Though some people might throw me away, I know I’m more. I am worthy and strong. And even if they can’t see it, I hold value. And I won’t give up.

Someday, this will all be nothing more than memory and I’ll be happy I took the risk.

I’ve heard it said that the less you stretch your comfort zone, the more it begins to shrink. That’s a scary prospect.

Risk makes us feel alive. Many times, I’ve been rewarded for my boldness with wonderful life experiences.

Maybe the third time really will be a charm.

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Photo credit: Vicente Alfonso / Foter / CC BY-NC